Love your retail worker.
Ah the joy, the Christmas season has arrived. Now is the time for peace on earth and holiday cheer. Its the most wonderful time of the year. Unless of course you are in retail. Now I love 95% of my customers, know a good portion of them by name or by tastes, but that other 5 % (You know the ones that come out as soon as the Christmas music does) can go to a nice fiery hell I have personally designed just for them. This reminder is just for them.
Hmm, lets start with those individuals who believe that just because they have money in their hands that they have the right to treat me and mine less than hospitably: Listen bub, I work damn hard too, in a really crappy khaki pants and a damn polo shirt that looks horrible on anyone. I work long hours that no one wants to work and ooh even on holidays that you probably get off just to deal with folks like you. This is not a caste system here. Be nice.
To the customers who show up five minutes before closing and insist they are just looking inevitably not allowing me to close the store until at least 15 minutes later: You can look when the mall is open you bastards! You see I have to go home now so that I can wake up in seven hours and do this all over again tomorrow. Unless you're buying something - Leave!
To the woman with the large stroller full of children: Our aisles are narrow and your stroller is just too damn big. Not to mention that you need to put straight jackets on each of your unruly children who think that pulling everything off the shelves is just fun. Forgive me if I glare at you when you refuse to pick up said merchandise declaring that it's part of my job to clean up after your demon spawn. "It'll give you something to do" will not help either. I still hate you and hope your power goes out or your kids decide to paint your walls.
To the lady in a hurry: being pissy will not make the line go any faster, nor will groaning loudly. We're hurrying the best we can. And honestly what did you expect during the busiest time of the year? Impatient people should do their shopping ahead of time not at the last minute.
To the customers who think I am lying: If I say I am sold out of something it does not mean that I really DO have some of those items, but am hiding them from you. However now that you are accusing me of said offense, it makes me want to do so.
To the greasy, redneck man who thinks that mulletts are still cool: Do not stand outside my store an hour early and rattle my gate as if you were an ape. It will not make open the store any quicker. In fact now I will take my time.
To the woman who cannot believe our prices: Listen lady, I am not the one that sets the going rate. If you can find it ten bucks cheaper elsewhere, why arent you there? Complaining throughout the entire sales transaction also isnt going to make it get any cheaper.
To the could you hurry it up guy: You're rude, brusque and inherently insulting. I will try my best, but tapping the counter incessantly will not make it go quicker. In fact it may distract resulting in slower service.
To the kids who buy one piece of candy each: You all suck! (not their fault really, they are just kids, but all in all they still suck. It just kills my numbers and damn it I want to go to Mexico!)
Face it folks you all deserve coal this year. Or better yeat...fruitcake.
However to the kind people who smile sympathetically when I deal with previously mentioned idiots, thank you. Whether you understand my plight or even care, you make me feel just a bit better knowing that retail workers are appreciated.
Now I didn't write all of this to complain about how horrible and pitiful my life is (though venting I must admit makes me feel a shade better today). I, like many other retail employees put in long hours for holiday shoppers, hours we don't usually work and you all need to be aware of said fact. We work just as hard as you do and if weren't for us you'd all be doing your shopping through catalogs, online or at your local supermarket (Oh look mommy, canned beets!) So please be kind and patient with your local name tag people. We're patient when you try to explain something or get angry with us, so why not exhibit the same courtesies to us? Show us that you appreciate us. A simple thank you, hang in there, I feel your pain, or even have a nice day does amazing wonders.
All right. The ranteth hath hereth end-eth.